End the Backlog

 

The new End the Backlog.org: 

The rape kit backlog is one of the most shocking demonstrations of how we regard the crime of sexual assault in our society. Rape kit testing can bring justice, often an integral part of a survivor’s healing, and it is vital in keeping rapists off the streets. And yet experts estimate that there are hundreds of thousands of untested rape kits across the country.”
– Mariska Hargitay, Founder & President, Joyful Heart Foundation

I am so excited about the work Mariska continues to do in this field, her outreach, her many programs, her own healing retreats. I love to see a celebrity that does not give up, she speaks up!

 

end the backlog

 

 

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Seeing the Forest for the Trees

My dog Mindy ran into the house, jumped on the couch and curled into a little shaking ball. I watched perplexed, thinking something outside scared her. She started to gnaw and lick her leg, followed by a race around the living room, then she would skulk down on her belly again. Each time Mindy would get up, she would run a few steps then bite at herself, then tuck her tail between her legs and find a pillow to hide behind on the sofa. I went to her and found out that she had been bitten or stung in a few places. For the next several days all she could focus on were these sores. I would try to feed her, pet her, soothe her and she couldn’t concentrate on anything except the irritation. I knew the wounds would heal faster if she didn’t constantly pick at them. All Mindy knew was that they were driving her crazy and she followed her animal instinct to make them go away. It was sad watching the shame she displayed for the things her body was doing that were out of her control.

How many times do I focus on the one thing that is bothering me instead of the big picture God has?  I pick at it and obsess over it, believing I know the best way to take care of the irritation. Instead of permitting God to do His work, I allow my animal instinct to control me.  On my worst days when I can’t see around the storm, I feel frustration and shame because I can’t fix it. Then I am reminded God sees the forest when all I can see are the trees. He reassures me that my suffering is nothing compared to the glory awaiting me in heaven!

For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! 18 So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever. ~2 Cor 4:17-18

 

 

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Motivational Monday

I have decided to change the format of my blog so it is more organized and my readers will know what to expect on certain days. I also hope that with this format you will receive information that is more valuable to you for your personal journey. The plan is as follows:

Motivational  Mondays: encouraging quotes and messages aimed at getting your week started with inspiration and/or a smile

Worship Wednesdays: Bible verses; worship music; devotionals; etc. to keep us focused on God in the middle of the week

Find Out Fridays: book and movie reviews; news articles related to sexual abuse or assault; interviews with survivors or professionals in the field; Reader’s Questions answered; etc.

For my first Motivational Monday I have chosen a quote from a very popular and incredibly helpful book, one of my favorites, Trauma and Recovery by Judith Herman, M.D.

Remembering and telling the truth about terrible events are prerequisites…for the healing of individual victims. When the truth is finally recognized, survivors can begin their recovery. But far too often secrecy prevails, and the story of the traumatic event surfaces not as a verbal narrative but as a symptom. ~Judith Hermann M.D. (intro pg. 1)

Today I challenge you to make a commitment to self-care and share a little piece of your story here. You can write anonymously if you choose, affirming your abuser can no longer silence your voice. I believe this is a great way to start fresh and encourage healing to either begin or to move further along. Either way growth happens. Thank you for your courage and may your Monday be blessed in extraordinary ways!

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Considering Ducks

I could see the rain splashing across the lake. The safest place to stay dry was under the patio cover. From that vantage point, I noticed the ducks sitting on the lake did not flinch when raindrops hit them. I pondered this relaxing scene for a while. I have come to enjoy searching for modern day parables, ordinary life stories that connect me to God’s teachings and purposes.

The ducks seemed connected to their Creator, so trusting that they were completely calm and at peace. So peaceful in fact that some didn’t wake up.

God protected them in the storm, not from it. This was in contrast to the fishermen in the boat, who panicked at the thought of the menacing wind and waves. The ducks, like Jesus, slept. Perfect peace from perfect trust.

And a great windstorm arose, and the waves beat into the boat, so that it was already filling.  But He was in the stern, asleep on a pillow. And they awoke Him and said to Him, “Teacher, do You not care that we are perishing?”  Then He arose and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, “Peace, be still!” And the wind ceased and there was a great calm.  But He said to them, “Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith?” -Mark 4:37-40 NKJV

The ducks didn’t care when the rain came down harder. They swam as though the skies were clear; there were no anxious ruffled feathers.

Reflecting on their serenity and the way they trusted their Creator to always do what He has always done, I found myself envious. Each time agonizing thoughts come into my head, I need to lay them down, to not allow them to get me flustered. Yet in my humanness I often try to control the situation myself first. Then I call on God when I get stuck. Sometimes I believe I know the best way, or I think, “This one is easy, I can handle it alone.” These attempts usually end in some kind of failure or regret. I knew as I watched the ducks swim calmly on the lake; I needed to renew my commitment to seek and trust the Lord.

 

 

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Exhausted Voice

I needed a reminder as my melancholy mood has kept my voice here quiet. It seems that when I need to write the most I am the least motivated to do it.

The following is an excerpt from the movie “Precious” where a young girl is pregnant with her second child by her own father. Precious is going to an alternative school and has a very compassionate teacher who persists in drawing Precious out of her shame cave. Journaling is one of her main tools. After finding out she is now HIV positive (also from her father), and she is absolutely emotionally exhausted, Precious sits at her desk with two simple words at the top of her notebook. “Why Me?”

Precious: Nurse say I’m HIV positive.
Ms Rains: Write!
Precious: I’m tired Ms Rains.
Ms Rains: If not for yourself then for the people that love you.
Precious: Nobody loves me.
Ms Rains: People do love you Precious
Precious: Please don’t lie to me Ms Rains. Love ain’t done nothing for me. Love beat me. Love rape me, call me an animal,
make me feel worthless, make me sick.
Ms Rains: That wasn’t love Precious. Your baby loves you…I love you. WRITE!
Precious: I ain’t got nothing to write today.
Ms Rains: I remember you once told me you never get to tell your story….WRITE!
Precious: &*$#@ you ain’t know nothing of what I’ve been through.

At this, Precious finally breaks down and starts to tell her story out loud. That is my goal here as well, to speak freely so that others will find their courage to speak freely also. Not everything here is pretty, actually there is a lot that is just plain messy, and it needs to be told. Our perpetrators kept us silent, locked in our minds for too many dark and ugly years. The most impactful healing I have had has been when I read or listen to someone else’s story that touches mine and suddenly I am not alone, I am not going crazy.

 

Posted in Comfort, Emotion, Fear, Life, Pain, Quotes, Recovery, Resources | 2 Comments