Yesterday, out of nowhere I learned one of the tough lessons of recovery: The higher you climb the farther you fall. I have been doing so well lately with regards to my symptoms of PTSD and the emotions that go with it. Maybe I was feeling some pride about that?? So today I had another medical procedure, perhaps another body memory, I don’t know. What I do know is that I was feeling well, walking through my day and I fall in this huge sink hole. I didn’t see the sign, “Flashback Ahead” or I would have surely run the other way rather than get swallowed up.
I became so distressed I couldn’t figure out what to do or where to go when a friend called to invite me over for soup. I couldn’t even answer her either way, so she just stayed on the phone with me, talking gently, until I could make a decision.
I went to her house and she just opened her arms and held me. I have previously mentioned that I found my tears, so my unsuspecting friend got two and a half hours of deep belly sobbing. She just held me and prayed over me. It felt sooo good to let out all the pain which had been trapped for far too long.
In her praying, she received a picture for me that I wish I could do justice to in a painting. The Lord told her for me, that whenever these images come up, to picture the resurrected Christ walking out of the tomb, a dead hole, His Glory shining so bright that I cannot see anything else. Imagine when your are driving home into the lowered sun and you can barely see traffic signals, let alone any images. We are told that God’s Glory is so much brighter than the sun that none could live if we were to see Him in our flesh.
That image gave me incredible peace about walking forward. Now I could climb the wall of this dead hole once again because I could see the footholds ahead not the rapist below. I walked in shame as I entered her house, I again walked in the Spirit as I exited. Praise the Lord for His love and His gift of friends that will just listen and pray! And thank God for friends like mcProdigal (via Prone2Truth)who obey the Lord when He says, “Post this,
needs it today.”
Nothing like being held when the tears just won’t stop and the deep sobbing floods your heart and soul. Even if no one speaks, the comfort is amazing.
There are so many great people online that have helped in so many instances. I’m glad you are finding connections and building friendships. I’m glad that God gives us friends – that will hug and hold us in real life and virtually!
You are beautiful.