To sleep, perchance to dream. ~Shakespeare, from Hamlet
Being in a constant state of running is not good for anyone. It is definitely not good for someone in recovery. A few days after returning to my home, I went to Houston for five days to celebrate Thanksgiving with family. In Houston we ran from early morning to late late night and very little sleep was allotted for. We returned on a Monday evening and hit the ground running, so, once again, there was no recovery time. Work in the days and meetings in the evenings and this weekend I am totally exhausted. Still no rest for the weary, I had a mandatory training Friday night and Saturday. And the saga continues.
I say all this not to whine about how much I have to do, because much of it has been things I have chosen to do. I bring it up as many PTSD symptoms have returned this week also and I have been putting two and two together and actually getting four. When the trauma pictures start re-painting themselves in my brain; the nightmares return to invade the little sleep I have gotten; I quickly jump at every strange noise or even the lightest touch; and I find my mind transporting my awareness to the past; sadness, frustration, and self judgement come and soon depression is fighting it’s way in, when irritability gladly slams the door.
When the body and mind are deprived of sleep, they do not have the strength it takes to deal with these unwanted intruders that try to devour the soul and spirit. This is not the way to enter the Christmas season which is my most favorite time of the year. Sometimes I believe that busyness will keep away the darkness when in reality it weakens my ability to see the light.
Thankfully God is the God of second chances, the God of new mercies, the God who redeems it all, no matter how insignificant it seems in the grand scheme. I can will rest in Him and allow Him to bring me new life despite what I have to accomplish, and the few things I would like to.
There remains therefore a rest for the people of God. For he who has entered His rest has himself also ceased from his works as God did from His. Let us therefore be diligent to enter that rest, lest anyone fall according to the same example of disobedience. …. For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.~Hebrews 4:9-11, 15-16 NKJV