I wrote this a few days ago as my anniversary dates approach. Right now I am choosing to survive, writing this drained enough of my energy to allow me to lie down and sleep. I have debated about posting it here. I made the decision in favor of it because of the purpose of this blog. I choose to allow others into this journey with me in hopes that in identifying with others feelings will be validated and it will help to abate the feeling that you are going crazy and you are going there alone. I understand the power of being able to say, “That is just how I feel.”
I choose to not just post the good things that happen and give anyone a false sense of what a survivor goes through, or cause a fellow journeywoman to beat themselves up or think they are doing something wrong because I make it look like healing is either quick or easy. These writings reflect my feelings and my journey; whatever you read, your journey, though it may have similarities, is still unique to you. Too many survive rape only to be lost to suicide, I pray my words will help give a voice to those suffering in silence.
For those of you who read and are not survivors, I pray that you will hear the cry of pain that is very real and though it’s intensity raises and lowers, it does not magically go away the way we wish it would. Please embrace these thoughts so that if anyone you love experiences sexual assault you will have a better picture of what they may be feeling as well and just how deep and long the pain runs.
With that I will give you the standard ~warning~ there may be information here that is genuinely too much for where you are at in your life right now. Please be cautioned as you decide if you want to read on.