For this Find-Out-Friday I wanted to help you find a way to thank your supportive friends. I share with you a compassionate and informative letter from a book written by Dr. Dan B Allender The Wounded Heart, Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse, is the first Christian book I have read on the subject. So far I am highly impressed and learning it is exactly what I needed. I searched for where he is in the country and what he might have to offer for healing in person. If you click on his name above it will take you to his website where it explains the forward thinking work they are doing to help people not only heal themselves, but to also be able to pass the gift along to someone else. I highly recommend purchasing and reading the entire book. I also felt this is something that every victim needs to be able to share with a loving friend who is trying their best to be supportive and probably feeling inadequate to the task. I am sure I will bring more reviews in the future. For now I offer Dr. Dan Allender’s impactful words to the soldiers who have faithfully stood by me. Because of you I am blessed and I am healing. Many thanks.
Words to a Friend
You are the friend of someone who has been abused, and you are untrained, inexperienced, and scared. If I am accurate so far, then you have also seriously thought about backing out of the relationship with you abused friend. Not that you are going to treat her like a leper or avoid all contact, but the issue of abuse, the current struggles and fears, are off-limits.
My counsel to you is simple: Don’t back off from the frightening terrain of a wounded heart. You may say the wrong things and even cause more harm, but the worst harm is to turn your back. Accept your limitations, but also acknowledge the fact that you are on the front lines of the battle. You may not like to hear it, but the fact is, you are a foot soldier, an infantryman who is often the first to take the fire of the enemy.
As a therapist, I see your friend once, or maybe twice a week. You see her every day. I deal with significant issues in her soul, but you talk about the same issues and even more. I may be necessary to the process, but you are even more so. Let me say it again: You are very important as a friend who will pray, talk, laugh, cry, read, embrace, shout, bake cookies, drive to Little League, and live life in intimate proximity. Don’t allow your inexperience or your own personal past to keep you from loving well.