I acknowledge that I have been behind on my writing lately. Today marks the first day headache free in over two weeks. My migraine kicked up with the last major storm and decided it was going to stay. After multiple calls to the doctors, and different mild treatments, they finally decided to have me treated in the outpatient IV unit at the hospital. It is a mini version of chemical warfare, lasting three to five days. The choice for me was three days which made me slightly nervous considering how long the migraine had been hanging on. Fortunately, today being day four, I only had twinges of headaches this morning and then off it went for the rest of the day. Thank you Great Physician!
Though it is wonderful to be free of what seemed to be a pain that would never end, pain at that intensity becomes a distraction of it’s own, both good and bad. Work was extremely difficult and I believe left my co-worker with headaches of her own between the time I missed and the mistakes I made when I was there.
Another disguised blessing of enduring significant pain is that it occupies such a large space of your brain that there is not a lot of room for anything else. As the routine things become a challenge from the inability to concentrate, the haunting in your brain really gets pushed back. Trying to sleep normally brings intrusive thoughts and memories that I fight to extinguish. Physical pain is very self focused as you scream inside for any relief. That perfect spot where you experience enough comfort to disengage remains elusive. You become grateful that pain is exhausting and eventually will alter your consciousness. When relief from the physical pain is found, you realize what a blessing it has been not be able to concentrate on anything else. Maybe God orchestrated a mental break to allow some healing from the emotions that were so raw and dangerous.
As I flipped through the channels on TV tonight I passed a show where a girl was screaming and pleading to not be raped. I could not get the channel to change fast enough as I immediately had a an intense flashback that sent shivers through my entire body. It was then that I appreciated, though it seems odd, the physical pain that was louder than the emotional for a time. And as I have been so thankful all day to finally have a break from the physical pain, I see that it is time again to give attention and a voice to the emotional healing.
It is amazing how our bodies are so integrated. I believe a day to play and not deal with either of the ugly twins is in perfect order for tomorrow!! Rest you both, I know you will find your way back too soon.
