Night Terror

Tonight is another one of those nights. I lay awake, afraid to sleep. If I close my eyes, I will see him. Him, the man who is probably sleeping like a baby right now not giving me a second thought. Why do I give him so many?

The air conditioner shuts off with a bang and a clank. I jump. The ice cubes dump in the freezer. What (or who) was that? He took control of my life that June night. Slowly I am working to take it back, yet the nights seem to remain his.

None of my sleeping medication works anymore. And for what, I lay here knowing that if I fall asleep I will just wake up in pain once more, both physically and emotionally. More often now I am able to convince myself that tomorrow will be a better day. Tonight is not one of those nights.

2:45am. Finally dosing off. I receive a text message at 2:48am. The unexpected sound jolts me into fear again. It takes me another 45 minutes or so to return to sleepiness. 5:18am. I am scared to attention by a banging on the door. I freeze; afraid to move, terrified to acknowledge the sound. L did not respond. The dogs did not bark. Was it even real? Now all I can hear is the sound of my heartbeat and I am sure he can hear it too.

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