I needed a reminder as my melancholy mood has kept my voice here quiet. It seems that when I need to write the most I am the least motivated to do it.
The following is an excerpt from the movie “Precious” where a young girl is pregnant with her second child by her own father. Precious is going to an alternative school and has a very compassionate teacher who persists in drawing Precious out of her shame cave. Journaling is one of her main tools. After finding out she is now HIV positive (also from her father), and she is absolutely emotionally exhausted, Precious sits at her desk with two simple words at the top of her notebook. “Why Me?”
Precious: Nurse say I’m HIV positive.
Ms Rains: Write!
Precious: I’m tired Ms Rains.
Ms Rains: If not for yourself then for the people that love you.
Precious: Nobody loves me.
Ms Rains: People do love you Precious
Precious: Please don’t lie to me Ms Rains. Love ain’t done nothing for me. Love beat me. Love rape me, call me an animal,
make me feel worthless, make me sick.
Ms Rains: That wasn’t love Precious. Your baby loves you…I love you. WRITE!
Precious: I ain’t got nothing to write today.
Ms Rains: I remember you once told me you never get to tell your story….WRITE!
Precious: &*$#@ you ain’t know nothing of what I’ve been through.
At this, Precious finally breaks down and starts to tell her story out loud. That is my goal here as well, to speak freely so that others will find their courage to speak freely also. Not everything here is pretty, actually there is a lot that is just plain messy, and it needs to be told. Our perpetrators kept us silent, locked in our minds for too many dark and ugly years. The most impactful healing I have had has been when I read or listen to someone else’s story that touches mine and suddenly I am not alone, I am not going crazy.