I met with an author and therapist who is well known for her work with trauma victims. I wanted to talk to her about writing, speaking, school, my work as a child advocate, and my future. She had interviewed me to understand my story. She kept changing the subject back to it, and how I must be sabotaging myself to have these things happen. […]

posted by Flux
Filed under: Anger, Emotion, Life, Recovery, Shame, Sorrow

I posted this song awhile ago when I first found it. It is now my angry music when I am allowing the pain and the rage to move through me. Today when I was searching YouTube, I found this version which was created more recently. It is very intense in both the images the creator posted and […]

posted by Flux
Filed under: Emotion, Life, Pain, Recovery, Resources, Shame, Sorrow

I have an amazing brother. I have three really and two are so much older than me, our lives do not touch very often. In my shame and fear after the rape, I did not and still have not told most of my family what happened. This brother somehow found my blog, and wrote me […]

posted by Flux
Filed under: Comfort, Emotion, Fear, Friends, Happy, Life, Pain, Recovery, Resources, Shame

I sink further in my isolation. I have now crossed to a place where I just want to be alone. If I am alone, I cannot be hurt by the pretending that everything is alright. I can’t be hurt by what goes unsaid. I cannot be hurt by you being afraid to touch me. I […]

posted by Flux
Filed under: Emotion, Flashbacks/Memories, Pain, Shame, Sorrow

Being sequestered in my home with pneumonia has given me the opportunity to start a puzzle I have been wanting to do. It is entitled Masquerade, by Lynn Lupetti. I have spoken here a lot about the masquerade a trauma victim develops when the feeling of shame imposed on them is overwhelming. I picked up this […]

posted by Flux
Filed under: Comfort, Life, Pain, Scripture, Shame