This is such an incredible video about overcoming life’s biggest challenges that I thought it perfectly appropriate for this journal. It’s all about focusing on the possibilities not the challenges, which is what these courageous parents have done for their son. Rather than giving up on him or giving him the message that his disabilities make him worthless ”not good enough”, they chose to embrace the unique gift that he is and the amazing talent God gave him. One can only imagine what this world would be like if more of us had parents like Patrick Henry Hughes does.

posted by Flux
Filed under: Comfort, Emotion, Happy, Life, Resources

Only when we are no longer afraid, do we begin to live.
~Dorothy Thompson

My sister posted this on Facebook after she found it on EarthSchool Harmony. It caught my eye and held me for awhile as I mulled it over. I think it touched the part of me that is trying so hard to heal and still bumps into walls of distress where I am afraid to see remember what happened and speak it into the light. It takes great care, sometimes even tiptoeing, to move forward without catching your foot on a barb. Stepping backward is even more dangerous. Not moving at all is always a choice, but then that is the choice not to live.

posted by Flux
Filed under: Emotion, Fear, Flashbacks/Memories, Life, Quotes, Recovery

I met with a therapist shortly after my assault, and I told him that I was saying yes to myself a lot more often now because of my jolt into the reality of how short life can be. Frozen yogurt even though I wasn’t hungry, just craving? Yes. A walk in the park to see the ducks even though the bathroom needed cleaned? Yes. Lunch with a friend when a full laundry basket was beckoning me? Yes. He told me that he had made a philosophy for himself and his family to say yes whenever he could because there are too many times when you have to say no.

I understand that there is responsibility that goes with choices. I also understand that we can get too caught up in all the shoulds, then life becomes a boring chore and we can find ourselves in the doldrums. We need to find at least one thing everyday that really bring us joy and make us smile, maybe even laugh!

Here are a couple of recent examples that brought me delight. First, I cannot eat sugar. The other day I found sugar free jelly at the store. After a double take, a jar of blackberry jam went right in my basket. YES! I have again been able to enjoy a childhood favorite, peanut butter and jelly toast. Yum! Second, I LOVE all things Hawaiian. This past weekend a band I really enjoy listening to was performing a concert in Southern California. We had plenty of airline miles and I have a companion pass. We flew there for free, enjoyed the concert complete with hula dancing, a late night cheeseburger from In and Out, and some ‘just the two of us’ time; we spent the night and returned the next day. Fabulous YES!

Below is a video that someone created to go with one of songs by the group HAPA, whom we went to see. If you enjoy Hawaii or the ocean you will love the scenery the producer chose. As you watch it, let your heart sore and imagine some things you could say yes to that would bring you a big smile, and perhaps put a little dance in your step!!

posted by Flux
Filed under: Comfort, Emotion, Happy, Life, Recovery

As I prepare myself for the funeral tonight, celebrating the life of the woman who had lost her strength to fight, I came across a paper with these three truths.

PLEASE Always Remember: (and come back here if you forget!!)

There is not anything that has happened to you that you cannot heal from.

There is not anything that you have done that you cannot be forgiven for.

There is not anything that you are currently struggling with that you cannot overcome.

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.   (Romans 8:1-2 ESV)

Post these on your refrigerator, keep them in your purse, give them to a friend who can read them to you when you cannot read them for yourself. Try to memorize them. Whatever it takes, YOU SURVIVE…YOU STAY ALIVE!! Don’t let the perpetrators win, don’t give them another life. The victory belongs to the LORD!! And though you may not be able to see the end of the tunnel right now, just by entering it, you are already on your way out. Someone wants to help you find your way through. Please reach out.

posted by Flux
Filed under: Comfort, Life, Pain, Quotes, Recovery, Resources, Scripture

I posted this song awhile ago when I first found it. It is now my angry
music when I am allowing the pain and the rage to move through me.
Today when I was searching YouTube, I found this version which
was created more recently. It is very intense in both the images the
creator posted and and the words and quotes she chose to go along
with them. I felt that she did such an incredible job with telling the story
and illustrating the sorrow and damage that I decided it was worth
doing another post with this song.

The message in the song Broken Girl by Matthew West, is so vital, so necessary to be heard by not only survivors, but by everyone who breathes in this sinful world. We can no longer live in the dark pretending that this is happening somewhere else, that it is a crime of the poor and the uneducated. It is happening in the house next door to you, and worse yet, it is happening in the church down the street.

I wish that even Christian radios stations had the fortitude to play songs like this to reach out to women who are lost and suffering in silence in the middle of every crowd we encounter. Maybe she is dirty or unkempt, life having taken all the strength she thinks she has left. More likely she is the one that you have watched from afar and always wished you could be like, so perfectly put together, so in control…on the outside. Designer jeans or a well pressed suit may be the only thing that keeps the broken, festering wounds from showing while she is raw and bleeding uncontrollably on the inside. That’s right, take any room and count four women, one of those was likely sexually abused before she was 18, many before they were 5.

That is the harsh reality of the dark, please watch the video while you listen to this song. I challenge you then to share it with at least one other person. Together we CAN get this message into the light…YOU DON’T HAVE TO STAY THE BROKEN GIRL!!

posted by Flux
Filed under: Emotion, Life, Pain, Recovery, Resources, Shame, Sorrow

In light of the recent loss of a beautiful and tortured soul, I have increased my resolve to encourage others and to help them know they matter, they have value…NO MATTER WHAT the circumstances. @SpreadingJoy shared this on her website and I thought it so perfect. A message each one of us needs to memorize. My prayer is that when we forget for our self, or we don’t have the strength to hold it, that there will be a Winnie-the-Pooh in each one of our lives to remind us.

posted by Flux
Filed under: Comfort, Friends, Happy, Life, Quotes, Recovery, Resources

Last evening I received a tragic phone call, a young woman with a husband and two small children had taken her life. She had sung on the worship team for different classes at our church for over five years. Besides what seemed to be obvious anorexia, she played the masquerade well, smiling and greeting everyone around her.

I have known many who have talked of suicide, a few who have tried, been friends with people who have lost a loved one to this tragedy, and I have never known anyone personally who has completed it. The thoughts and emotions whirl around wildly as I think of the impact this choice has made on sooo many people who knew her, especially her family. I find that I must distract myself from thinking about it to stop the reverberation of noises in my head attached to memories of feeling like I was drowning in that black hole myself.

I am sure this has shaken many people, each with their own story, their own feelings, their own confusion. Even being one who understands the desperation, I find myself shaking my head. I know this one thing to be true,  to endure you have got to believe you have value. You GOTTA believe that you are someone worth dying for!!

Jesus declares that everyone of us is, that through His death we are sacred and blameless, that we have a purpose. I wish she had believed that in her heart. Today and for eternity, she will hear it face to face from her Savior as He bathes her in His love. She is finally at peace, her war is over. Now a unique battle begins for each person who knew her. God Bless Us…every one.

posted by Flux
Filed under: Life

1When all the people had crossed the Jordan, the LORD said to Joshua, “Now choose twelve men, one from each tribe.3 Tell them, ‘Take twelve stones from the very place where the priests are standing in the middle of the Jordan. Carry them out and pile them up at the place where you will camp tonight.’”6We will use these stones to build a memorial. In the future your children will ask you, ‘What do these stones mean?’ 7Then you can tell them, ‘They remind us that the Jordan River stopped flowing when the Ark of the LORD’s Covenant went across.’ These stones will stand as a memorial among the people of Israel forever.” Joshua 4:1-3,6,7

As my healing continues and I have been able to share parts of my journey with others, I have spent grateful time in reflection about how I came to be on this path and the other lives that have also been changed as a result. As I traced it back through the many people who helped guide me, a picture came to me of skipping stones in a lake. When a stone is cast into the water many ripples flow out. This picture has been used previously as a way to describe how our lives and behaviors not only affect our course, but how it spreads and affects others as well.

As I analyzed these ripples, the picture for my journey, and I believe everyone’s, is more about skipping a stone. Each time it hits, the rings grow larger, not once, but many times over. Watching them expand I can see them cross into each other’s path, blending, yet continuing to grow.

About five years ago a physician’s assistant at my pain doctor’s office casually mentioned that if people don’t deal with the psychological effects of pain, they can strengthen and cause depression to set in. He suggested that I go listen to the pain psychologist at their practice when she was doing a presentation later that week. Listening, I was convinced it would be helpful to talk about, though my insurance didn’t cover her. I got a list of covered therapists from my insurance and ‘randomly’ chose one that was close and I liked the name of the facility. (haha)

Again it was by ‘chance’ who they assigned me to. After meeting with her for a couple of months, the memories and shame from my childhood sexual abuse had come up and were becoming overwhelming. She suggested an intensive outpatient program that I agreed to and my life was drastically changed. I found an excellent counselor there who I have been working with ever since. Because we had history, background, comfort, and healing between us already, her effectiveness at treating me after being raped was greatly enhanced. I know this has helped my recovery.

Since then I have referred four friends to that program whose lives were impacted dramatically as well. The PA will never know what affect his statement has had on me, nor the lives that were changed because of the way my life was changed. As the ripples continue to spread, I too will never know how the lives that were changed because they crossed my path, will change the lives of people that cross theirs. The further the stone skips, the more impact it will have; and for me, it all started with a statement.

It is good to look back from time to time and remember from where the Lord has brought us, and the miracles, both large and small, that he performed to accomplish it. If we are faithful to the Lord’s leading, He will see to the rest.

posted by Flux
Filed under: Comfort, Happy, Life, Recovery, Scripture

In a Mending the Soul intensive training I was in about a year ago, they showed us a brief clip of the documentary “Searching for Angela Shelton“. It was incredibly intense and powerfully moving. As my healing journey continues I decided to watch the entire movie to see what other good tidbits I could glean from her experience. Though the theme surrounds abuse and discovering how prevalent it is in our society, I was moved by how positive not only the producer’s message was, but also by all the inspiring comments from the other Angela Shelton’s that she interviewed. The theme was obviously focused on healing and not on the evil itself.

This made me want to search further for how she is doing now and was amazed at how far she has come from the girl in the video to the incredible Joy-filled woman she is today. Her blog (http://angelashelton.com/)  is packed full of joy, laughter, healing, encouragement, and challenges to see yourself as the absolute best you can be. She has resources, videos, pages of reader’s questions answered, and articles to help in every situation you can imagine including sex after trauma. She also has a 30 day healing journey that I started and even after all this time in therapy, found to have very useful tools. I challenge each of you to explore it.

She has another website (http://www.survivormanual.com/) which is pretty self explanatory. On this site she allows outside contributors while maintaining her “only positive, non-triggering subject matter” boundaries.

I encourage everyone who is a survivor or knows one, which is about everybody, to check out these great resources and share them with your loved ones…or as Angela says, “Maybe even the woman at the coffee shop or grocery store.” We all have a story and we certainly all have a smile to share. -roughly quoted

Thank you to all the brave Angela Sheltons across the country, and especially to the one who started it all and faithfully continues to eradicate abuse by encouraging everyone to speak up; and with many of her own smiles, urges each one of us to find the beauty within, the beauty that rises from the ashes.

posted by Flux
Filed under: Comfort, Emotion, Happy, Life, Recovery, Resources

Ocean waves are SO powerful, scary, and dangerous, actually literally life-threatening. They are strong enough to toss a person around like a rag doll. Fight them and they will pound you; flip you;  slam you down. The harder you fight, the stronger they pull, until you are sucked out to the open expanse with little hope of returning to firm ground. The vast blue may look familiar but trying to survive out there will only drain your energy. If the current does not pull you out, the waves will roll you around until they hammer you to  the earth.

If you go with the rhythm, respecting it’s power, you can keep your footing strong. Though the waves pound on your head, they are far less scary; the thunderous force passes quicker and with less damage. You can stand straight between the waves unless you turn to look at the one that has passed. The future may crush you while you are distracted facing the past.

Taking active steps to walk toward the future and further away from the tumultuous surf raging at the shore, you find the waves coming smoother and soon you are able to ride them with less and less effort. Up and over, up and over, using your new strength to move with them and remain balanced. Soon you will find that you become buoyant as your body moves up and down, relaxed.

While floating you must occasionally check for an odd, ominous wave that starts to build and break unexpectedly or it may hit you in the face, once again giving you the feeling that you are going to drown. Being mindful of where you are and what you are doing, you can choose when you ride a wave back to stable ground, thankful to be safe, thankful for the experience.

Aware…Allow…Accept…Appreciate

posted by Flux
Filed under: Comfort, Emotion, Fear, Life, Recovery